By Yong Ling Loong
The other day, I asked a long-time friend, Soh Toh Mai (not her real name), whether she or her husband has ever committed a crime on Malaysian soil. A little mystified, my friend of many years nonetheless obliged me with her reply. “Of course not. Why do you ask?”
Ignoring her question, I pestered her further with my next question. “Have you ever done the “69” position or performed fellatio on your husband?” (Fellatio: oral sex, giving head or blow job. “69” position is simultaneous oral sex between two partners).
She went a bit red, but knowing my habit of asking her the most outrageous of questions, complied again in the affirmative.
“There you go. See, you have committed a crime! And if your husband had performed oral sex on you (cunnilingus), both of you have contravened the Malaysian Penal Code and if convicted of this crime, you are both liable to be imprisoned up to 20 years in addition to being whipped as well.”
This time, she stared wide-eyed at me with that look that says “Are you nuts? What in the world are you harping about?”
I proceeded to explain to her why she and her husband have all of a sudden become accidental criminals.
“Our Malaysian Penal Code makes it a crime to perform oral or anal sex, regardless of gender or consent. As long as the penis is inside the anus or mouth, it is considered a crime.”
My friend, who by now, sported an incredulous look, shot back, “Holy Molly, these are such common and natural acts that the whole world is doing them! If this is a crime, then everyone is guilty. Everyone is a criminal!” I know Soh is rather prone to exaggeration whenever she is on the brink of spewing out some volcanic ashes and rocks. Her face was turning red and she was heaving as she ranted.